40in40 – Forrest Gump
My Netflix rating: 4/5 idiots
Forrest Gump was a lovable idiot. He didn’t know much about anything, but he also didn’t know any better. Other people forgave him of all his shortcomings because they understood he couldn’t help himself. He was special and that afforded him some leniency.
But that got me to thinking, there’s a whole lot of idiots out there. Some are special, like Forrest, but most of them don’t really have an excuse. Here’s the top 5 idiots I find most annoying, in no particular order.
The Loud Telephoning Idiot – This idiot loves to talk on the muni like she’s all by herself. She’ll discuss the most disgustingly private issues without a single regard for others who might be in earshot. Thanks for telling me about your yeast infection. And I really wanted to know how bad of a kisser your boyfriend is. The worst part: when she gives me the nastiest glare if I happen to laugh or flinch at the things she says. As if I could help it! You really couldn’t take that phone call in private?
The Regretful Idiot – This one deliberates for twenty minutes before finally making a decision, then regrets it immediately. “Aw man, I knew I should’ve ordered the steak” If you knew, why didn’t you order it?? How did you even get out of bed in the morning? This idiot has a hard time getting over any bad situation, especially if they had some part in it. Take it easy. There are so many more regrets you have to look forward to.
The Card Only Idiot - This is the guy who never ever has cash. After dinner, the check has to be split because these idiots. Didn’t we tell you about this dinner last week? Don’t you have a billfold in your wallet? This is the distant cousin of The Cash Only Idiot who does even have a bank account. Don’t get me started on that one.
The Entitled Idiot - Really? You think you deserve the best stuff in the world? Why, because your dad’s a CEO? Because you’re a minority? Because your parents obviously didn’t teach you you’re an idiot? Stop double parking. Quit demanding service after you cut in front of the line. Take the bluetooth out of your ear. Don’t expect special treatment. Idiot.
The Ambiguously Angry Status Message Idiot – Sorry, I don’t quite know what you mean by “that’s why you’re a bitch. fuck you!!1” And what exactly does “pssshhhhh. whatever.” mean? Was that intended for all of your 3,293 Facebook friends? Or maybe you thought you were writing on somebody’s wall. Either way, please know that you’re an idiot. I obviously don’t know what’s going on, but I really don’t want to. If you need to vent, please do so constructively. You’re not going to get any pity from me.
Sorry idiots, no love for you.
“Stupid is as stupid does.” –Forrest’s mama
Filed under: 40in40 | 1 Comment
Tags: forrest gump, idiot
good stuff. you’d better always have cash.